YONI

YONI

I steamed. For over an hour… to clear the venomous energy penetrated into I.  Praying that the energies of the Solar Eclipse whisk away the poison in my Womb. 

You never loved me. Never. I wasn’t “special” to you. You didn’t like me like that.  Still, I continued to play into the fantasy that someday, you may realize my worth, my value. That, perhaps one day you may not only want me, you may also value me. Respect me. 

Honor my NO, at least.

Yet still somehow, I fell under the spell, once again. 

And now I sit over this pot, ridding my YONI, of rot.

Why is it that I continue to give mySelf to those unworthy of receiving mySelf?

What keeps me stuck in the cycle of “trying to prove my worth”?

Why do I continue to serve as a host for parasitic energy that feeds, without any intention of return?

Must. Get. My. Power. Back.

Am I such a sucker for Love, a sucker for external validation…external, external, external.

Must. Get. Back. to Internal. 

Peace. Heart. Grace. 

Forgiveness, for mySelf for knowing what is not good for me, yet choosing to sip the poison knowingly. 

Hope, that even this grand mistake was for my greater knowing, greater being, highest learning. 

The inconvenience. The fucking inconvenience.

Temporary “satisfaction” is not worth the repair.

Temporary “satisfaction” is not worth the repair.

Temporary “satisfaction” is not worth the repair. 

So badly, I want to say “you, you, you.” It’s “YOUR” fault. “You’re” a terrible person.  How dare “YOU”!

All while knowing God has always revealed to me what is true, yet, I swiped His visual into my peripheral. 

And rode through the shadow of darkness once again. Yet, here is God, ready to show me the light…once again. 

Heal Thy Womb. Please Forgive I.

Amen.